The Law of Fives and How Cool It Is

Being it’s a Friday, and being that I am a Discordian, and being that Fridays are a minor holy day to Discordians, and being that today is the 27th of January (2 from 7 is five), I thought I would share one of the central tenets of Discordianism that is designed to free the Discordian’s mind from linear thinking.

“The Law of Fives is one of the oldest Erisian Mysterees. It was first revealed to Good Lord Omar and is one of the great contributions to come from The Hidden Temple of The Happy Jesus.

POEE subscribes to the Law of Fives of Omar’s sect. And POEE also recognizes the holy 23 (2+3=5) that is incorporated by Episkopos Dr. Mordecai Malignatus, KNS, into his Discordian sect, The Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria.

The Law of Fives states simply that: ALL THINGS HAPPEN IN FIVES, OR ARE DIVISIBLE BY OR ARE MULTIPLES OF FIVE, OR ARE SOMEHOW DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY APPROPRIATE TO 5.

The Law of Fives is never wrong.

In the Erisian Archives is an old memo from Omar to Mal-2: ‘I find the Law of Fives to be more and more manifest the harder I look.’ ”

A quick look at the standard issue human vehicle reveals how close to home the Law of Fives hits. The vast majority of us have five fingers on each hand, and five toes on each foot. (Although there are exceptions. I once went to a family owned pharmacy in India and all but one of the men in the store had an extra finger on at least one hand. The one with five fingers had a surgical scar on his right hand where the others had the extra digit, so he presumably also had six fingers on that hand at some time.) We also usually have five limbs, if you count the head-neck assembly as one.

From my personal life, I can see that I was destined to be a Discordian. I was born on October, 7th 1969. 1 + 0 + 7 + 1 + 9 + 6 + 9 = 32. 3 + 2 = 5. I was doomed to follow the Goddess Eris from the get go. (SIDE NOTE: Since we got “32” in there, which is the reverse of the sacred number “23” first revealed as the “23 enigma” by William S. Burroughs, this probably means that I am the evil anti-Burroughs. A title I will proudly wear.) As the Principia says, “The Law of Fives is never wrong”, especially if you keep in mind the reminder given by Omar, “… the harder I look.”

Here is where I give the game away (though you have likely seen the gag already): The Law of Fives is a mental gimmick meant to get us to look at things more deeply while simultaneously driving home the realization that since the brain is built to find patterns and assign meaning, we can find patterns and assign meaning consciously if we remember that it happens all the time. This gives us the possibility of being free of our cultural conditioning, and the dominant educational system of our upbringing if we choose to be. The Law of Fives reminds us that the patterns and meanings we work with can be a game if we decide they are. The way to get good at this is to practice the Law of Fives. Look for the five wherever you can, and if you need to, go through the necessary mental gymnastics to make it work.

This is just one of many distinctions in the Principia that promote free, critical, and creative thinking. These distinctions are why it’s one of my favorite religions. Read any five pages and you might be impressed, and will very likely be confused. Eris is the Goddess of confusion after all.

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