Screw it, I’m launching.

It’s funny what hold us back. I have a strong tendency to second guess myself, for fear of doing something the wrong way. This bad habit stops me from moving forward with my passions and goals. It is an especially problematic issue when I have contradictory pieces of advice about how to proceed. I often find myself unable to pick between such suggestions. On the days when I think there is something to astrology, I like to blame this tendency on the fact that I was born under the sign of the Libra. Libras tend to weigh options to a fault, seeing the good parts of any given option, or argument. I have recently had reason to face this personal demon.

A couple of weeks back I made the decision to go back into making coloring books for adults. It’s an artistic expression that I enjoy, and people seem to enjoy my images when I actually get them out there. As a part of this re-launch of my coloring books endeavor, I put together a Patreon page. A Patreon page is a place where people can become patrons of a personĀ or project. You can make monthly pledges of support in exchange for goodies (like discounts on books, books shipped directly to you, your name on a website as a patron, etc). The moment I published it, I got an email from Patreon with the best “next steps”. One of their suggestions was to email and text my friends and ask them to pledge, even if only for a month, so that the page would have some action on it when I released it “to the general public.” The idea is called “social proof”, meaning that when you see that someone else has made a pledge you trust the pledge to be worth it. It strikes me as a cheesy move, but since it came directly from the company (who ostensibly knows what they are doing) I could not stop from considering it. So, there I was stuck. Torn between wanting to move forward, and afraid of not doing it in the right way.

Today I say screw it. It is with great joy that I announce the launch of my Patreon page for my coloring books. Check it out! I’d love to hear what you think!

Life Cracks Me Up

Today has been a good change in fortune. I’ve been struggling to find steady work, and today I got three call backs, and one email back. I’ve got three interviews scheduled for the week. I’m also going to start running a Star Wars RPG this week. It’s been too long. I got paid for some web work from last week, and I also got my biggest payout from my transcription gig to date. Lastly, tonight I get to hang out with two of my best friends, the love of my life and that other guy. Not too shabby. I even got in a particularly stellar meditation session.

So, of course, a full blown migraine hit. I just spent the last half hour mostly blind, stumbling around for pain pills and caffeine. Good times.

Still, you have to laugh, don’t you?

I was going to finish up another blog post full of incredibly insightful and amusing existential musings. But now, not so much. I’m going to lay down for a quick nap. Cheers!

Ego versus Consciousness

The felt moment of immediate experience exists suspended on two seemingly contradictory anchor points. The first is consciousness. Consciousness is the simple awareness of the variations present in any given moment of experience. Ego starts as the notion of “I”, as contrasted to “not-I” arising from the uniqueness of any particular viewpoint. The tension between these two poles defines, in part, our existential conundrum.

Consciousness can take the full view, in space-time, and relationship.

Ego is constricted to the very near horizon.

Ego is implanted by inculturation.

Consciousness is inherent.

Ego sees things as separate and clicking together in a great tick-tock clockwork reality.

Consciousness sees the distinctions available in the interconnected, interdependent, interpenetrating holon of reality.

Consciousness is an inborn capacity. To us human beings, consciousness is to us what water is to fish. We breathe it and move through it. It’s the medium which holds us together and gives us ongoing life. The invisible and ever present substrate of our lives. It is what allows us to see what we are, and all that could be.

Ego is the artificial boundary that we are wrapped in by our society and cultural environment. It is the conformity which shows us what we “should be.” Ego constricts us down to a sub-set of the available informationĀ and our available potential.

Consciousness sub-divides reality in appearance only by flowing along the topography created by distinctiveness.

Ego creates artificial boundaries between things, putting forth the false idea that they are separate.

Consciousness unites even while revealing ever more fine striations of appearance. In consciousness, no two things are ever the same. No two things ever reveal themselves identically to consciousness at the same time.

Oddly enough, ego makes things appear identical. To ego two identically crafted chairs are seen as interchangeable, their unique life path reduced to insignificance.

The whole point of considering all of these distinctions is simply to help us embrace the full richness of the felt moment of immediate experience so that we don’t restrict ourselves in what we admit as reality. I don’t know about you, but I find that when I can let more of reality get at me, I have more options in life. It also seems to make the world more beautiful.

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