What’s Really Going On, and Why You’ll Never Know

Some say that Discordianism (the worship Eris, the Goddess of chaos, discord, confusion, bureaucracy, and international relations) is a joke disguised as a religion. Some say it is a religion disguised as a joke. Discordians say it’s both, as the mood suits, and that may be one of the key stones to the freedom it provides. Be that as it may (or may not) I’d like to share another little gem from Eris’ treasure chest.

Reality is… something, or other. When we try to say more about it, we run into problems. Whatever is going on, we don’t have the sensory equipment to perceive all of it. Our eyes only perceive a small portion of the light spectrum. Our ears have a limited range. It’s the same with all of our senses. On top of that, of the millions of signals per hour that arrive at our sensory apparatus, only a very small portion of these signals make it into our awareness. The nervous system in general and our brains are built to sort out signals that might be superfluous, or not urgently important. What we call reality, and the only thing we can call reality is a pared down version of actual reality. This reality then gets assigned meaning, and relation, according to the distinctions we’ve been conditioned with via culture and education.

In Discordianism, we use the metaphor of windows. It’s as if there is a permanent window in front of us, through which we view reality. Of course, since the window is always there, it’s not possible to know how it may be tinted. Onto that window is painted a grid. This grid is made of the rules, beliefs, ethics, and habits that we carry with us. These, of course can be modified. We can always learn new lessons, question old beliefs, or suffer head trauma. In fact, a lot of what we spend our time doing is just that. We change our grid as life demands, limited by how attached we are too particular portions of our grid, and/or how deeply the grid is ingrained.

All of this creates what we see of reality, and how we label reality. We never see reality as it actually is. We can accept this, or we can fight against it. The extent to which we fight against it is the extent to which we are being dishonest with ourselves. If we can accept this notion, then we get the chance to recognize our grids as grids, and that means we get the chance to adjust them.

In case you feel some struggle in coming to terms with this notion (which I know I have!), there is a helpful little teaching from the Principia Discordia for keeping this notion fresh. It’s a little mantra, “All statements are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense.”

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The Law of Fives and How Cool It Is

Being it’s a Friday, and being that I am a Discordian, and being that Fridays are a minor holy day to Discordians, and being that today is the 27th of January (2 from 7 is five), I thought I would share one of the central tenets of Discordianism that is designed to free the Discordian’s mind from linear thinking.

“The Law of Fives is one of the oldest Erisian Mysterees. It was first revealed to Good Lord Omar and is one of the great contributions to come from The Hidden Temple of The Happy Jesus.

POEE subscribes to the Law of Fives of Omar’s sect. And POEE also recognizes the holy 23 (2+3=5) that is incorporated by Episkopos Dr. Mordecai Malignatus, KNS, into his Discordian sect, The Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria.


The Law of Fives is never wrong.

In the Erisian Archives is an old memo from Omar to Mal-2: ‘I find the Law of Fives to be more and more manifest the harder I look.’ ”

A quick look at the standard issue human vehicle reveals how close to home the Law of Fives hits. The vast majority of us have five fingers on each hand, and five toes on each foot. (Although there are exceptions. I once went to a family owned pharmacy in India and all but one of the men in the store had an extra finger on at least one hand. The one with five fingers had a surgical scar on his right hand where the others had the extra digit, so he presumably also had six fingers on that hand at some time.) We also usually have five limbs, if you count the head-neck assembly as one.

From my personal life, I can see that I was destined to be a Discordian. I was born on October, 7th 1969. 1 + 0 + 7 + 1 + 9 + 6 + 9 = 32. 3 + 2 = 5. I was doomed to follow the Goddess Eris from the get go. (SIDE NOTE: Since we got “32” in there, which is the reverse of the sacred number “23” first revealed as the “23 enigma” by William S. Burroughs, this probably means that I am the evil anti-Burroughs. A title I will proudly wear.) As the Principia says, “The Law of Fives is never wrong”, especially if you keep in mind the reminder given by Omar, “… the harder I look.”

Here is where I give the game away (though you have likely seen the gag already): The Law of Fives is a mental gimmick meant to get us to look at things more deeply while simultaneously driving home the realization that since the brain is built to find patterns and assign meaning, we can find patterns and assign meaning consciously if we remember that it happens all the time. This gives us the possibility of being free of our cultural conditioning, and the dominant educational system of our upbringing if we choose to be. The Law of Fives reminds us that the patterns and meanings we work with can be a game if we decide they are. The way to get good at this is to practice the Law of Fives. Look for the five wherever you can, and if you need to, go through the necessary mental gymnastics to make it work.

This is just one of many distinctions in the Principia that promote free, critical, and creative thinking. These distinctions are why it’s one of my favorite religions. Read any five pages and you might be impressed, and will very likely be confused. Eris is the Goddess of confusion after all.

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How Long Should We Wait?

I am having a quiet day while I wait for the inauguration of doom to deal with itself. I am staying away from TV, and YouTube, and keeping a distance from Facebook. I have decided, along with many people, to not lend my attention to the debacle that culminates this tortuous election season.

I am also engaging in a bit of sacredness. I am enjoying some hot dogs on this Friday, with buns as a way to re-focus on my most beloved religion. (For those of you who don’t know what this means, see here.) While I enjoyed my repast, I offered prayers and good wishes for those on the front lines of the protests today. If Eris, the Goddess of Confusion, can’t help out today I don’t know a divinity who can!

This election has ignited a great many conflicting emotions for a great many people. Some are getting tired of hearing about it. I don’t blame them at all. I admit to being worn out by the whole thing. People have been employing a variety of methods for dealing with this on social media. One has been the adoption of the refrain, “Wait and see!” This has been coming from folks who voted for Drumpf, as well as those who voted for Clinton. I get that this is an expression of frustration with regard to the near ever-present complaints about the PEOTUS decorating our social media feeds. I can very much understand the sentiment. However, this leads me to the question of, “Wait for what?” Haven’t we already seen? We’ve seen how Drumpf treats the media. We have seen how he treats the disabled. We have heard what he thinks of women. We have seen his dishonest business practices and failures. We have seen his racism on full display. We have seen him avoid taking any firm stand. We have seen his desire to divide the country. We have seen him flip-flop on his issues. We have seen him publicly admit that his campaign promises and propaganda was full of conscious lies and marketing tricks. We have seen him praise our opposition on the international level. We have not seen his tax returns, despite him saying he would disclose them if he won the election.

For what more do we need to wait and see, exactly? I don’t see how anyone can have gotten to this point in the process and not have an opinion about how this joker is likely to comport himself as President. I mean, I get that we can know that he will most probably not carry through on any of his promises, but that’s not about what he will do, it’s about what he very likely won’t do. So, what is it we are supposed to wait for? Not only do I find the notion of wait and see dangerous (as a friend said, “Do we need to see people die for lack of the ACA before we realize it was a bad idea to eliminate it completely?”), I honestly don’t understand what more we could see that will make us decide.

Wait and see what?

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