On March 9th, of this year, I completed my vow of doing 1,000 days of meditation. This was my second 1,000 day vow, the first being nearly 20 years ago when I started studying Tai Chi and vowed to do 1,000 days in a row without missing a single day.
This vow was a good deal different, in part because I was doing a less physically demanding activity (although no less emotionally demanding.) Another difference was that this time I didn’t get all crazy with expanding what I was doing. When I first started the Tai Chi vow I was doing about 30 minutes a day, by the end I was up to about five and a half hours. Every day. By contrast my meditation started at 15 minutes, and got up to 32 minutes within two months, and then stayed there for the rest of the vow. With the exception of a week spent with Daisy as guest student retreatants at Green Gulch Zen farm (and a couple of days where my iPhone app failed causing me to sit for longer than planned), my time did not grow.
I also took a two day break at the end of my 1,000 day Tai Chi vow. So far I have not missed a day of meditation.
There is a startling difference between meditating during the vow, and after which I did not expect. It hit home pretty soundly the day after the vow, I went through my morning routine and then felt this strange sensation of inertia making actually getting to the cushion more of a chore than I was used to. It struck me as I finally did manage to sit down. The difference was choice. During the vow the habit had become so much a part of my routine that choice simply did not enter into it. I, more or less, had gotten to a point where I had none. The vow was in place and it pulled me through the effort without any thought on my part. Now that the vow is done, the practice has re-entered the realm of active choice. In a way this has made the practice more fertile. I am sure that without the foundation of habit that the vow ingrained the choice to meditate daily would not be so easy, but paradoxically the practice has much more depth now that choice has become a factor again.
During an extended vow there is a sedate feeling that settles in. It becomes just something you do, like eating, sleeping, breathing, brushing your teeth. On some days you just go through the practice by rote. Once the practice becomes a daily choice there is an invigorated investment. For myself there is a feeling of attending to something consequential as opposed to performing a daily chore. I don’t think there is anything wrong with having a daily chore that sees to one’s health (physical, emotional or spiritual), without having done tat for an extended period I have no doubt that my meditation practice would have been something I did for a while and enjoyed rather than what it has now become: a very beneficial practice I intend to do for the rest of this life.
There is also more flexibility in my feelings around the practice. During the vow meditation (along with some preparatory exercises to wake up my legs and back) were the first thing I saw to during my day. The few times I ended up having to put off meditation for later in the day were sources of great concern. Now I actually have the luxury of putting my meditation off for later in the day if I need an extra 45 minutes sleep in the morning. That has been really nice on the days I teach Aikido at 7:30am, for example.
If you’ve had any similar experiences dealing with the distinction between routing and choice I’d love to hear about it in the comments.
Cheers!
Tags: Distinctions, Meditation
