The concept that we all carry habitual, conceptual though loops that play over and over in our heads like 8-track tapes on steroids is pretty ubiquitous in self-help circles. (Tony Robbins leaps to mind here…) It’s such a common idea that I had, frankly, mostly forgotten about it.
Until last Friday.
On Friday mornings I teach Aikido at Suginami starting at 7:30am. (Teaching Gigs.) The noon and evening classes at the dojo are pretty consistent in attendance, but the morning classes are all over the board. Some mornings there are 10 people, some there are three, (very)occasionally there are none, and some days a single dedicated student shows up. Almost invariably the single dedicated student is Mary Stein.
Friday mornings are always a little rough for me as they are at the tail end of my “work”week and I am usually a little spent. On this particular day, thanks to getting into rhythym with my wife’s current teaching schedule I was exhausted. When I dragged myself to the dojo I was hoping for a no show day so I could grab a nap before the ARC class which happens at 9am on Fridays and which I was covering. As I rounded the corner to the dojo, dragging my feet in the cold, I saw Mary’s smiling face.
In we went. A quick change and we were on the mat. Just the two of us. Mary is training for her Nidan test, so it made sense to train on that. That meant she would throw me for the hour. I steeled myself as best I could and put uf through a short set of warm ups before we began.
The first technique was Ikkyu, a single arm take down. My body hit the mat and I tapped to stop the pin. As I pushed myself back up the distinct thought, “I do not want to be here” blew through my mind on volume 11. I was hyper aware of that thought, in that moment. Part of my meditation practice has been simple noting of sensations and those include thoughts. I knew this was “my” thought at the same time that I knew it was not me. It was just a thought. I realized it was just a habitual mental tape I was running. I got what all those self help gals and guys have been going on about. It clicked. So, I countered with my own tape: “F-that! Mary rocks, Aikido rocks, and it’s a solid privelege that I get to train for myself and to help her. This rules!” (I can overdo these things sometimes. 
)
By the time I stood up my attitude was completely reversed. I wanted to be there that morning. I was happy and excited to get to train. The rest of the class rocked. Mary did awesome, and I think she is going to put on a stellar show at her test. (You should come.)
When the ARC folks arrived I was happy to see them. We trained hard and I left the dojo feeling refreshed and pumnped for my day.
Strong stuff those mental tapes!
All the rest of that day the mental tapes habitually running in my head were cast in stark relief. I noted tehm easily and was able to select some more positive ones to play. I got a lot done that day. It’s amazing how much we set ourselves up for with simple repetitve, unconscious thinking loops. Those habits are not easy to spot, and not easy to change. But, if we sharpen our mindfulness we can catch them now and again and we can put on a different track for a while.
Be your own mental DJ I say! Better that than just letting whatever’s in there run on auto-pilot.
What are some of your mental tapes that you could do without? I’d love to hear them (maybe for the last time!)
Cheers!
Tags: Distinctions, Meditation
