A Good Argument For Leaving
Friday, August 1st, 2008What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think. This rule, equally arduous in actual and in intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is the harder, because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it. It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Personal growth is a painful thing. It’s never easy, and is often brought on when one’s personal set of translations for the world fail to an extent that requires a transformation of the basic structures through which we see, and with which we relate to the world at large. It’s not easy. It’s a painful thing to do, and go through.
One of the obstacles on the path of personal discovery, growth, and change are the very people we turn to for support; our friends, family, and loved ones. Just as we are butting our spiritual heads up against our own habitual patterns, our loved ones will also hold those patterns for us. They have set expectations on who we are, and how we should behave. They rely on us conforming to those expectations to maintain their own world views. When we change, they will resist. Sometimes they will do this to be helpful and keep us on what they feel is a rational track. Sometimes they will do this out of fear and confusion, perplexed by our behavior making the world as they experience it, “not what it should be.” Regardless of the motivation, the result is the same, they resist our changing.
It is because of the above that spiritual traditions often call for a break with the aspirants home and family. From Gurus in India commanding their disciples to never again contact their families, to Buddhists being assigned to far away monasteries, to cults holding their followers in private compounds. It’s also the reason for the strong tradition of hermitages, remote places to hide away from the influence of others.
I don’t think such extreme measures are strictly necessary when grappling with your own path. But, I do think it a useful tool to know that if you change, those who know you will at first resist. Knowing that is happening makes dealing with the confusion it can produce much easier.